So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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