I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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