Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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