Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
