I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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