Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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