Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
