I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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