I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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