My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i love accidental penises.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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