I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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