Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
