do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
