Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
