yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
