Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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