yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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