question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
