why didn't you poke me back
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
