I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
