For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
