I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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