....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
