i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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