You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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