After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize