And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just pee around me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
