i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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