so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
