my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize