the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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