now i know why i became what i already was.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
