Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you will always have a special place in my vag
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
