How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
