Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
