the condom got lost in my hair
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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