Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
