Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
