There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
