I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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