Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
