I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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