I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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