he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
