No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
