Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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