I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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