Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
