69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
