I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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