My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
