i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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