Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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