some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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