There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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