last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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