Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
