haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
