Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
