You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
