The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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