We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
