NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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