Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tornado booty call.. dedication
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
