I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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