RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
