Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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