I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
