Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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