Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize