:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
